SEAN EADS
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Less than Coke Zero

2/24/2014

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This hits a little too close to home for me. I've been without a  soft drink of any sort for 21 days. Before that, I was drinking well over a 2-liter of Coke Zero or Pepsi Max every day. I was even working on a patent for this little nipple designed to fit over the bottle, so I could just lay on my back, tuck the 2-liter between my drawn knees, and nurse that sweet nectar all day.

I knew that soft-drinks might be hurting my bones, but I thought there were other tradeoffs. After consuming the stuff for so long, I was certain it'd make me immune to most diseases. I imagined an invading team of viruses communicating to each other once inside my body--

"It's no good! There's a layer of plastic encasing his vital organs. We can't penetrate it. We're buggin' out! Game over, man! Game over!"

The best thing about quitting soft drinks is I'm starting to get sensitivity in my tongue again. My taste buds, after years of being mowed down by a scythe of acid, are returning. I can tell the difference between steak and ice cream now. Amazing!

But I'll always want the taste, and I know it owns me. The other day I found myself going to the supermarket check-out line with two 2-liters in hand. I was shocked because I didn't even remember picking them up. I know I can't resist going down the soft drink aisle. All those colors! It's like strolling along a rainbow. I just want to go up and down the aisle striking the 2-liters with a Xylophone mallet
and singing a song about life being beautiful.

And life is beautiful.
But it's a little more boring when it's not carbonated.

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    Sean Eads is a writer living in Denver, CO. Originally from Kentucky, he works as a reference librarian.

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